A Fish Like Fashion

The Tenant – a 100 word story

The landlord opened his mouth and closed it in a fish like fashion. A sound came out of his lips, not unlike the merger of a washing machine and a tardis. Finally, he came back to his senses and said “The sign outside this apartment strictly states ‘no pets allowed.’” I smiled and simply said, “this is not a pet.” “Oh yeh?” he retorted, now growing a little agitated “then what is it?” “Why – it’s an elephant” I stated. “And what do you need an elephant for?” he asked, angry and exasperated. “That’s easy,” I said, “to hide the giraffe.”


Hi there and thanks for stopping by. I’m Guy, and you’re listening to my surreal sketchbook of reality.


Episode 10, A Fish Like Fashion

Science tells us that time is a fourth dimension. This episode Is a semi-philosophical look at time. I’m not a professional philosopher by any means and my approach can be quite absurd, illogical and not at all that serious, so – you’ve been warned. Do not take this podcast too seriously. If you tend to take things too seriously, this might not be the podcast for you. Seriously. I mean it. Find another podcast to listen to.

You’re still here? Good. Let’s talk about the scientific aspect of time called the speed of time. Time is actually perceived in different speeds. The speed in which you perceive time is influenced by your own speed in relation to your environment, as well as the mass of your environment, or rather the mass of the materials your environment is made of, including the mass of the planet you are currently standing on. You are standing on a planet I hope. Anyway, if you leave your planet, the speed of time relative to that of you and your planet start to change and your personal time, in fact, speed a little as opposed to the time of your planet. The reason that happens is that the further you get from your planet, the influence of you planet’s mass lessens. You yourself wouldn’t be able to perceive that change since your personal time would run at the same speed, but for anyone standing on the planet you would, in theory, appear a little slower though the discrepancy is so small it would probably be unnoticeable. This discrepancy in the speed of time can be measured and in fact, it has been measured using atomic clocks.

Your own speed also influences the time flow as perceived by you and your environment. If you go really fast and I mean really, really fast, your time would slow relative to the time outside of speeding you. From your perspective, you would appear to be going at a normal speed. For everyone else, you would appear to slow down considerably. Time is funny that way. Speaking of time, it’s time for a break. I’ll be right back.


Mustache – a 100 word story

They say I’m a compulsive mustache painter. I was banned from most of the art establishments when I was much younger. I have a court junction, preventing me from getting within a three hundred mile radius of any art shop. When the long playing records started appearing, many of those famous musician faces got decorated before they caught me. That’s when I started doing actual faces. They say Salvador Dali never recovered from what I did to him, went completely and utterly insane, but it was after Stalin that I was finally put away. My inmates all have whiskers now.


Welcome back. Orienting yourself inside the time continuum can be difficult. You can make this simpler by measuring time. We do that by breaking time into regular pieces. We call those pieces hours, minutes and seconds. Time itself is a flow and does not really break, so those pieces are an illusion, put there by us to make time more manageable. We use those measurements to predict and sometimes influence the time things happen.

Time seems to flow in a single direction from one minute to the next one, things happen one after the other, or at least that’s how we perceive them. The truth might be more complicated. Using particle accelerators, scientists found out that some particles can actually go backward in time. Those particles are much smaller than actual atoms, so this is something that happens on a very small scale. We apparently can’t go back in time ourselves, though if we would be able to find a way to make lots of those particles go back in time at the same time, who knows? For now, we would have to accept that we are trapped in time, flowing at a certain speed in one direction. This concludes episode 10 of this podcast. Close the door on your way out and don’t forget – I’m just a figment of your imagination.


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